you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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