There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
