After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
