My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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