I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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