Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
