Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
