jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
