It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
