Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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