it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
