That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
