like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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