We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
