ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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