how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
