Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
