you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
