i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
