Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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