It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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