I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
