We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
