i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
