WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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