in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He? As in you personified your dick?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
