he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
