My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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