I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
