look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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