Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
