She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
