I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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