I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
