recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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