She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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