I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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