Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
