we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
