Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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