gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
