I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
