I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
