Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That accounts for only three of the penises
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
