Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
