Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
where am i from again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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