oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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