Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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