I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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