hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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