apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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