4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
