Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
barbara walters just said penis...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
