Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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