considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
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SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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