Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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