Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
