I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
