and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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