If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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