dude i'm inner monologue high
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
