i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
