It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My life is pants optional.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
