Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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