Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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