can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
