you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
