i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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